PATIENCE >>

No one taught me patience. I’m not blaming anyone, it’s simply a Gen X observation. I mean, I technically learned it as a kid when I waited my turn for the bubbler (aka: drinking fountain if you’re not from Wisconsin).  I also had to wait two whole weeks for the library book that was already checked out and sift through the card catalog to find a different one. I had to be extra patient and not punch my older sister when she sat cross-legged in the middle seat of the station wagon on our family trips.  She had long legs and needed my seat space for her knees.  It wasn’t her fault, move over.  No one actually taught me a specific skill set to follow. My teachers said, “Wait your turn.” My librarian said, “Nope, go find another one.” My dad said, “Knock it off.” They told me what result they wanted, not how to do it.

So what happens to you when your child is slamming doors and throwing a tantrum over losing her Snap Chat streaks? A door slamming war? What if your significant other forgets to meet you for date night and you finally walk back to your car after waiting for an hour? A snarky texting war? What if that jerk driver cuts you off again while going 70 mph? A NASCAR war? What if you are spinning from anxiety and can’t breathe? How can you possibly find patience within? You need a tools to help regulate tension and emotion, which leads to patience.

Patience is a state of mind. If I can shift my mind to something good and redirect my thoughts to something helpful, happy, and rational, I can think and therefore speak with patience. It’s also a state of being. I want to physically pause and breathe so things move in slow motion. When I breathe, I feel calm enough to be a little heavier in my feet. Think of it as being connected to your physical self and drawing awareness to where you are. I remind myself, “I am here. I feel my hand on this table. I feel my feet on the carpet. The earth isn’t moving. I am not moving, etc…” No haphazard, irrational thoughts or movements. I am still.

This state of mind and being are both skills that need to be developed and trained. You can tell yourself to calm down, but if you don’t practice how to do it first, it’s like telling yourself to run your best time in a 10k with no prior training.

My older sister is a child psychologist. Ten years ago, she gave me a simple suggestion: use post-it notes. I literally just tried this tactic last week. Rather than beat myself up about this small delay, I chose to look at it as progress. Since patience is a daily goal of mine, I wrote it on post-it notes all over my house: bathroom drawer, closet, refrigerator, desk drawer, kids’ bathroom mirror—places I look everyday. These post-it notes help me feel calm. It’s like a big pat on the back when I look in my closet and see patience. The five minutes and ten years it took to write them out was worth it. It creates a ripple effect in my day. It’s much like making your bed: if you do that upon waking, you’ve already done something good in the day. When I open my bathroom drawer to get my toothbrush, I see, feel, and think patience. I am proud of myself and already off to a good start. It’s an immediate energy shift.

What else can you do besides invest in some sticky notes? Practice breathing. I do this at night with my kids. They think it’s just for them, but it’s for me too. We use it to calm down before bed, but we are actually practicing a physical and emotional self-regulating skill. Attaching specific counts to breathing helps regulate your heart rate. I inhale, hold my breath a little longer, and exhale twice as long as the inhale. Counting your breath also serves as a great distraction. It clears your mind of anything else trying to grab hold of your attention; you can breathe freely and detach from unwanted thoughts and feelings.

Isn’t it amazing that we were taught essentials in school like science, communication skills, and math, yet no one taught us a bio-baseline? I’m pretty sure I just made that word up, but it’s my best shot at asking for a way to apply those subjects to own lives and well-being first.

According to Dr. Richard Davidson of the University of Wisconsin, a long-term mindfulness plan is being implemented with over 60,000 school kids in Mexico, beginning in preschool. Kids are taught what to think about and more importantly, HOW to access those thoughts and tools when needed.

There is a rising epidemic of depression, suicide, and sedentary lifestyles that are in need of attention. Social media is oozing with problems that we’re feeding our kids and ourselves daily. Attention spans are at an all-time low. If you post a video on Instagram that is longer than 5-6 seconds, you might as well not post it. Most people won’t read past the first few sentences of this blog. So how can we expect to develop compassion, emotional resilience, and self-regulating techniques when we are used to swiping to a new screen every few seconds rather than staying connected to the space we’re in? Daily practice.

The train-your-brain revolution is upon us. Regulating tension, emotion, and breathing is as important as daily fitness, math, and science. Schools are catching on, but our kids have limited access—maybe once a quarter or once a month if they’re lucky. But what about us Gen X’ers? We aren’t in mindfulness programs at school, so it’s up to us to practice daily. Listen to a meditation app, read a self-help book, hug longer, think clearly, breathe slowly, and feel the carpet beneath your feet. Or, just begin with a few post-it notes.